The setting sun.

A few nights ago, the boys and I were coloring at the patio table after dinner and I saw it. The perfect light. I’d been waiting for about a month for the afternoon storms to leave us with early evening clouds and golden sunlight, but not too much.

And here is why. What better light out there can shine on this goofy boy’s face so sweetly?

And this one. I melt.

Still melting.

I know that I’ll watch this for real one day, and it will be time, but oh my heart. On second thought, they’ll never leave me. I’m packing my bags right now, to follow them forever.

He is my joy.

And my little soldier, who marches into battle everywhere he goes.

And he is my explorer and collector.

And when he can’t quite fit whatever-it-is into his pockets, his brother is never far away.

Oh Lord help me. How can your heart swell and break in the same moment? I hope they’ll always be right there for each other, stamped forever in those little hearts.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with a box of kleenex.

The hammock.

A few weekends ago, during an escape to the mountains, we scored with a place to stay right on the river. Every so often, there was a hammock tucked in between two trees; sometimes right along the water’s edge and sometimes hanging out over the water a bit. And from these hammocks, you could just sway for a while in the warm sun or cool shade, or maybe just watch a fly fisherman or two study the dark ripples around rocks and trees and cast that lazy line back and forth before it landed like a sigh on the water’s surface.

It was in one of those hammocks that Ewan and I lazed away about an hour or so. He was having a hard time settling down for a nap, so we sneaked out quietly and, after not so gracefully getting into one, we gulped up one of those long captures of time together that you hope burns itself into your memory banks as one of the greatest memories of childhood.

I laid back, he sat on my belly, and we sang lots of songs. Fun ones with clapping and laughing, and silly ones with tugs on ears and noses. I wished for my camera so that I could see forever the complete happiness on his animated face, but the moment was worth so, so much more than the interruption.

And our fun and silly songs turned to quiet lullabies there under the aspens and evergreens. He laid down on my chest and hummed along for a while, then became very still and very quiet. All around us was the sound of leaves rustling and water spilling along, and I thought…

This is the perfect heartbeat of life, the most complete pulse of love.

It was like growing bigger and smaller all at once – a great big inhale and exhale. And we were more filled up in that moment than ever before.

I’m amazed, crushed really, by the enormity of what is possible when I open myself up to my children, my husband, to those I hold close. And I’m learning every day just how much my children teach me about this very thing. Loving with abandon. I’m using that word a lot lately, “abandon.” It’s more than a sense of freedom, though, which is how I used to look at these little boys. It’s the essence of innocence and freedom and joy and giving yourself up to all of it.

Oh. I like this abandon very, very much. I especially like it…in a hammock.

Dinosaurs love underpants.

Oh, cabin fever.

It’s not been from rain or snow or cold or the usual things that bring on cabin fever, but from the heat. And we decided to throw our sweaty arms up in the air and punt, digging through our mental files of fun, inside things to do. Our community center was closed for maintenance, so swimming was out, but then we remembered…the library.

I love the library. Our boys love the library. It’s a pretty cool spot.

Ewan looks very tiny there.

But he also looks insanely smart.

This really is a fantastic Sunday afternoon laze-the-day-away place. There are chairs just the right size for small folks. Tables loaded with games and heavy, push-in seats are tucked around like invitations to play with friends. And books are displayed at just the right height for the little people interested in them.

And the aisles. Well, they’re just wide enough for Daddies to have a seat and dig through those bins, helping search for just the right book.

I had no idea that dinosaurs loved underpants. This must have been in the Jurassic research section. Holden…is…a genius.

And Ewan? He’s discovered another super power. He’s a self healer, like Wolverine, but with a different method. When he has a scrape, he just kisses and kisses it, right up until it heals.

But when he’s ready to leave, he does not like it when the doors do not magically open, like at the grocery store.

Must be the fast shoes that get him to the door so very quickly.

To spare and save the ears of the rest of the library patrons from Ewan’s protest, Holden helped me gather up our book choices and put them in our basket for check out. We had a pretty good haul to take back to our suburban cabin.

Just hope that those pesky dinosaurs don’t prefer suburban underpants.

Roy G. Biv.

With all of this to-ing and fro-ing we’ve done trying to squeeze in the last few summer weekend trips and make the last-minute playdates here and there, our creative juices have been on the back burner.

That is, until the Mr. Biv container was hauled out one quiet morning.

It was just what was needed as little fingers started making their pudgy way into repurposed egg cartons full of paint.

I’m not sure if he looks more like Jackson Pollock or a Halloween makeup artist.

That last schmear of paint actually did look a little alarming in his hair. Thank goodness for the washable paints.

A morning of painting is bound to wear a person out. Or maybe it’s just settling into this newish routine of ours and noticing the quiet cues of, “I’m sleepy.”

We’ve melted into this new way of daily life quite nicely, I think. Exploring in the mornings, retreating in the afternoons. Then up and ready again just in time to battle through the craziness of the elementary school parking and pick-up situation to retrieve big brother.

It was time for this change, and I must say that it’s done very well by us. I’m thankful that life shifts us into new seasons so that we’re always aware of the more that’s out there just waiting. I’m not so sure that I’d seek it out if left to my own.

So here’s a big “thank you,” Roy, for the reminder. If you were a rainbow, this day would have been that pot of gold at the end.

Boys of summer.

Holden has been missing his playdates. While he LOVES school, his sense of accomplishment is jockeying for position with his sense of abandon. So while there are still long and warm afternoons coupled with fountains of water spraying up from the ground next to jungle gyms, we are carving out those last slices of summer after school.

Sometimes, a smoothie mustache gives those boys a little kick in the pants to step it up a notch on the fun-o-meter.

And then sometimes a swinging contest with a buddy brings out a little competitiveness. Or a staring contest. Or the simple knowledge that one day, the playing field will be more level and the real fun will begin.

What about that sense of abandon? It’s still there. After a smoothie and a couple of passes through the splash park, it showed itself in the form of dancing. Dancing on your hands is super cool. After Ewan really gets the dancing on his feet down, I’m quite sure he’ll try this version, too. But until then…Holden will continue to school us all.

Wooda whoops.

There is only one good day a week anymore when I feel like completely splurging on something decadent, divine, and deadly: dessert. And I’m not talking about settling for a shrink wrapped cookie that you could pick up the gas station. Like old school dessert. You know, warm brownie, doused in fudge, topped with vanilla ice cream that’s already melting into a gooey puddle around the crusty edges of brownie.

Or at least something to that equivalent.

And lucky for me, with four little boys in tow, I didn’t have to ask twice if anyone would like to join me. We scooted off like…oh I don’t know what we scooted off like, but we scooted.

And since there was a street faire in our way, we meandered about and shopped a little, both for silly things and recommendations on a spot where we could find said dessert. The kids were hamming it up.

I learned, that with a promise of yummy melty chocolately things, they would smile when I asked and actually look directly at me.

There was one, however, who got a little too comfortable on that warm, cozy walk to find a sweet treat.

His eyes started rolling around pretty soon after Daddy’s feet stepped on pavement, and he gave up the good fight for a while.

While he snoozed, big bro picked out a loud loud loud red-white-and-blue-swirly-tie-dye shirt from a dude’s booth named, “Dye-namic,” or, “Dye-namite,” or some such catchy thing. He had so many colors swirling around that I had to make his pic in black-and-white, lest it assault your eyes and you go blind for three days straight, what with the orange tie-dye hat in one hand, tie-dye shirt in the other, and camo shorts on with bright yellow flip flops. Wowza.

At long last, we found a place still open that would serve us ooey-gooey-sweet-things and begged for a table. The little ones were just starting to glaze over at this point.

Well. All of them except this one crazy cat.

It took fooooooorrrrrrreeeeeevvvvvveeeeeerrrrr for them to find the recipe, go to the store and pick up the ingredients, mix together, and then bake our scrumptious buffet of apple pie and ice cream and brownies and ice cream and fudge sauce and ice cream, so in the meantime, we amused ourselves.

Aawww. The sweet pic is way better than our silly pic.

And hey. When the desserts came ’round, there was no time to be wasted taking pics. Ewan was awake by then and I had to fight him with a sharp fork to get my fair share of the dessert we split. That little dude can shovel in a brownie in two seconds flat.

Takes after his Momma.

Satisfied with our sugar high, we jetted outta there before the coma hit. We had a lot of blocks to walk back to the condo and wanted to make sure that the five-year-olds walked the whole way back.

Holden said “walking schmalking” and instead twirled like a hippie chick that whole way back.

Ewan practiced walking a straight line. Well two straight lines. Which worked out well, since he seems to be a little wide stanced in the walking area.

And then he got away.

Holden tried like crazy to catch him and bring him to me.

But he was pretty much just a blur.

Until he stopped.

He’d never seen hula hooping before.

It was all over for him then. Which brings me to the name of this post. When Holden was about three, he came home from preschool talking about “wooda whoops.” For the life of us, we could not figure out what on Earth he was talking about.

This caused him to say it louder and louder, until he was pretty yelling it at us every day.

And then one glorious day, someone was hula hooping, and Holden yelled, “See! “Wooda whoops!”

It was a happy, happy day – and the end of the mystery.

But Ewan, he had no words. Just a full on hypnotic stare. His state was so comatose that I was able to scoop him up and run through the crowd, which happened to part like the Red Sea because after all, who would mess with a crazy Momma with a baby on her hip and a big ol’ camera in her free hand yelling that she just had to get a picture of Booker T because he was her favorite and she didn’t know he would be playing in Frisco on her mini-vacation and could you please move for just a minute. Pleeeease.

And here’s the pic.

It’s just to prove that I was there. Well. Ewan and I were there. For without him, I would never have been able to get that close.

Ewan did smell a bit of patchouly and funny cigarettes when we emerged, but I whisked him into the tub and fresh jammies within 15 minutes of this capture.

And that is all, because Hank is staring at me asking when I’ll be finished with this post. Good night all.

Ketchup and coffee. Mmmmm.

Got a lot of ketchup-I-mean-catch-up to do here with pictures!

Because although we’ve been trying to slow things down, we’ve also been packing in some fun things before the weather starts that dip into fall and beyond. Truly, we had no idea that the summer was like sand through our fingers (insert cheesy soap opera theme song here) and being sucked down into the vortex of time past. Good grief this summer went by quickly.

So how have we been tasting the last of summer break? Well. We’ve been lazing away some time on the back deck after afternoon naps, just trying to enjoy the last fading flowers and the patches of green grass that we have back there (that’s thanks to some ill-placed flower pots on my part over a couple of sprinkler heads. Woops.) (And ok, I can’t let Oscar the dog off the hook here. He helps cultivate some brown spots back like a champ.)

Ewan has discovered the water spray bottles. Might be just as much fun as the water fountain back there, if only he could figure out to put the top back on.

As a bonus, the boys and I have tagged along with Hank for some afternoon gym time. It’s like a little boy Heaven there, with stuff to color and boxes to climb,

And a EWAN-SIZED SKATEBOARD. This brings so much joy.

And after a rain delay, it was time to ketchup-I-mean-catch-up on the puddle running.

This is one of my favorite noises on Earth. When the air smells sweet and it’s all cooled off for a moment, everything is quiet and clean and calm. And then the sound…the giggles and splashes of kiddos going out there to see what’s different, what they can find, and which puddle can kick up the most amount of water.

Oh summer. I will miss you so in a few weeks. But the colder weather will bring back snow, and that has it’s own favorite noise…

And now it’s terrible segue time. I’ve noticed, in those rare times during which I break down and get myself a fancy coffee shop drink, that my children drink most of it.

Don’t freak out!!!!

It’s tea with vanilla milk. It’s OK. Well. It’ ok every once in a while. But yes, I am that mom who buys a drink for herself, and then the same fancy coffee shop drink for each of her children. It’s pathetic, I know, but I really prefer to have some myself without sharing and then having to drink the bottom which has lots of little unidentifiable floater things in it but then I get griped at by two short people with whom I shouldn’t have shared my drink anyway.

Plus, they get a mini doughnut and I don’t.

Oh I bet those are the floaters.

Anyway.

They get their own now. Problem solved.

(Oh and please notice the gash on Ewan’s forehead. Wassat from, you ask? Skateboarding incident from the afternoon at the gym. He’s a kamikaze. He roly-pollied head first off of it. Twice. In a row. And he’s a bleeder, people.)

And lest I forget my second-born hooligan…

And now back to Ewan, because it’s just plain funny that he’s that short right now.

I’m not sure how I’d reach my food if I could only get my eyes above the table. I’d probably look all crazy-eyed, too. But that might just be him making googly-eyes at the crumbs and frosting left behind by his doughnut.

Oh man. Then they turned all cute and cuddly and spread some brotherly love around.

And of course, after they had bellies filled with sugary things, I poked them back into the car to go drive around, running some errands to see if I could make them carsick.

Good think Ewan thought ahead to bring his goggles.

What’s that?

At Ewan’s 18-month check up earlier this week, I received a pamphlet that tells me all about what developmental milestones to expect between now and 24 months. For “vocabulary,” it listed 14-17 words.

Ha!

At last count, he has at least doubled that. I don’t know how on Earth I’ve managed to co-create two chatterboxes over the last six years, but I have more than succeeded.

There is, however, one word that he will not say, no matter how much prompting or coaxing or joking or pleading we do. That word? “Holden.” We were positive that “Holden” would be his first word. Or whatever word he could come up to describe Holden. But not only does he refuse to say “Holden,” he clams up completely and just smiles or laughs whenever we try to get him to say it.

So Holden is now, “He-who-must-not-be-named.” I’m gonna shorten it to HWMNBN. Or Voldemort. Hopefully no one around us will suddenly sport a lightning bolt on his/her forehead, because that would be weird.

But there is one phrase that he mutters, says, or shouts at least 150 times a day.

“WASSAT?”

The latest victim of wassat is his bedroom rug.

He loves this rug. Every time we’re in his room, he sits on it and asks, “Wassat?”

And we go through each animal and he points to or touches it.

He kind of does a breakdance number on those animals periodically,

And walks around like a bear on them.

But we always come back around to wassat.

I can’t quite tell which is favorite, but do know that the turtle does not get his fair amount of time in relation to the zebra, elephant, and crocodile.

The elephant might be the winner, though, now that I think about it. He usually starts with that one, then goes to the zebra, and on and on.

He picks at their eyes and pokes their noses a lot. You know, he does that to us, too. Huh.

And then he hugs them.

Lucky for him, he has a matching lamp. That, however, is something he’s not allowed to love on. The giraffe might be missing a little horn thing and the turtle its head, as Holden loved on it at the same age a little too hard. I wonder if that’s why Ewan’s not quite as invested in the turtle? It might be a little freaky deaky.

So…I guess this post is a good little indicator of how we’re slowing down a little around here with Holden being in school all day. There’s lots left of this house to explore from the perspective of Ewan, and we’re taking our sweet molasses time about it. It’s like there’s a rhythm here to discover; scratching the surface of it is an adventure of its own.

And here’s to our brand new chapter of life. The Wassat Chapter. Ooh! I hope the next chapter is about cookies. I love cookies.

Yeah baby!

We made it. Every stinkin’ one of us.

On the eve of the big, big day, we socialized over ice cream sammies. Holden had no qualms about stepping up to that table and using his best manners to ask for his treat.

And then Dad offered up some cashola to buy his first badge of honor.

He picked out a hat. My, oh my, but doesn’t he look studly.

I think that the hat was only slightly better than the realization that the gym has a couple of CLIMBING ROPES. Holden is uber excited about them. Yep, the fear and loathing in most adult memory banks has to do with the thing that excites him the most. He was already planning out how he could most tactfully “ask” the gym teacher about those beasts coming down.

But we had to pry him away and head home. It was time to settle in for the evening; take a really, really good bath; and send a little prayer up for a good first day ever of public school.

I am just surrounded by handsome.

So … this morning was it. The day that we’ve been wondering about and hoping for and a little apprehensive about for several weeks now.

He was a little nervous for a little bit, but then threw two thumbs up and excitement came shooting out.

He wanted to ride his bike to school. So we all went along. It was quite beautiful out this morning.

That little dude is a machine.

After we had parked his bike at the rack and locked it up, he marched off and out to his new classroom with all of the determination and fierceness that he is.

I had to run to catch up with him.

And then…

It was over. The walk up to his classroom and the door that swallowed him up. And there we were. Me, holding his bike helmet and with a huge lump burning a hole in my throat, and Hank with a chattering Ewan perched on his shoulders.

And we turned around, knowing with confused hearts that he was safe and flying on his own and in that room with a few of his good neighborhood buddies, but a little lost knowing that we weren’t the consumers of his days any longer.

His report at the end of his first day? Kindergarten is awesome. He’d like to go there until he’s a tenth-grader. And the bonus? He asked his heart’s greatest love, who also happens to be in his class, if she would marry him and she said yes.

Twice.

Yeah baby.

Fun is our mantra.

We are a Sanuk family. And Sanuk, in Thai, means fun. Our Holden is now the newest member of the fam with happy, happy feet.

Here are some other ways we’ve had fun this weekend:

1. Ewan’s mantra is “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” right now. This particular picture demonstrates how, if you’re running from the shade with your eyes wide open and dart into full sun, you can still yell while blind. Sorry. Vision challenged. Oh whatever. He was blinded by the sun. Just go with it, people.

2. Holden’s mantra is, and will always be, go big or go home. Here he is at the very tip-top of the play structure, and yes, he has spied the swings.

He’s learning to pump. YAY for that – truly! Pumping has been a hard rhythm to learn (and YAY for my first time in forever spelling the word “rhythm” and not being chided by spellcheck! Oh woops. “Spell check” is evidently two words, not compound. Huh.).

He’s learning to pump by watching this kid.

3. Speaking of “that” kid, his mantra took him to throwing rocks into the creek. He kinda took it to a whole new level.

He looks Italian in this picture. That’s it. We are now officially the Pantierizonis.

And then he and his buddy showed off their CrossFit strength.

Oh. Dear. They share a brain.

So…

The other kiddos had a blast, too. However, Ewan’s Lodar kept going off. (Translation: every time Logan comes within three feet of Ewan, Ewan starts a protest of some sort. We’re quite sure they’ll be best friends in a few years. But right now, they’re crap to each other. It’s kinda funny. Until it’s not. And then we send them to bed. And laugh behind their backs, like all good parents do.)

The Mischevous Logan, I think, might enjoy this Ewan torture. I’m not sure, though.

But Ewan always perks up. This time, he perked up and started scaring everyone with a loud, “BOO!”

And here are a few more of Ewan’s rock throwing extravaganza. I would love to show more of Holden, but he would not be bothered with the camera-wielding momma. Sadness.

There’s oh so much more adventuring that happened today, but this post is very long. More soon!