There comes a time in life when things just make sense. I don’t think that I’d necessarily call it “perfect sense” or “right sense” or even “better sense;” it’s just different. And it feels completely natural.
These specific “things,” for me, are what I call “home” in the nostalgic sense. Where I grew up. Where I ran free as a little girl, playing in the gravel and clover; adopting stray cats and dogs and sitting up with them at 2 am when they had their babies; raising chickens and trying to grab their eggs before they pecked me; looking for nests of baby bunnies in our field. Where I practiced all of my cheer moves and we had the youth group over to play badminton and volleyball and basketball and roller skated around our giant driveway. A place I loved as a little girl but couldn’t wait to leave as a young adult, yearning to stretch out my arms to see if there were really wings under there to help me fly. A place that I was sure I had outgrown and didn’t belong anymore, but had to retreat back to a couple of times with my tail tucked before I found my way.
And now I find that I am like a salmon trying to swim upstream to take my babies back there to run wild for a little while.
It just so happened that we made it there for my oldest son’s birthday. He is 22. Wow. And our youngest two just so happened to l.o.v.e. buying and wrapping gifts for him and blowing up his balloons.
Remember the running wild part? Driving wild is more accurate. One steered and one controlled the forward or reverse so that they didn’t hit much.
Toby the Dog directed traffic.
My beautiful niece, Lily, who stops my heart with her eyes. Mercy.
And my Dad.
He wanted to talk this time, which I knew was coming. It felt so natural with him, discussing how he’d want things handled when his time comes. I’m so thankful for his good heart and love and quirks, and his ability to make what could have been a hard conversation full of light.
“I want to be cremated, you know,” he said.
“I know, Dad. So do I.”
“I just want everyone to know,” he continued.
I paused, then asked with a half smile… “Do you want to travel? Want me to take you somewhere?”
“I’ve always liked Colorado,” he grinned.
“Well. How high do you wanna go?” I asked.
And so it went.
He’s coming full circle.
But he’s still pretty spunky. ;)
When it was time to celebrate the birthdays of my oldest son AND his bride-to-be, the little ones were about to explode at the idea of lighting candles and having cake and ice cream.
I love slowing down for that excitement, for them to enjoy every candle flicker, every sweet bite.
Lots of circling this weekend.