Emotions and cyber-censoring.
Boy oh boy. This past week was awesome and, well, not. At the height, our house was full of friends and kids and games of Monopoly Jr with five-year-olds and the most fabulous Pumpkin Bread Pudding ever. At the opposite extreme, my husband was helping me peel my ego off the floor, dust it off, kiss its bruises, and set things right again.
The former, there was “dancthing” in the kitchen with my toddler wrapped up my arms with his little pudgy arms tucked in tight and his head on my left shoulder. The latter, discussion of choices both professionally and personally, and the censorship we put on ourselves, both inappropriately and appropriately.
So here’s the deal. This blog is full of the height of it all. That good stuff, the creamy filling that holds everything together. That’s really the everyday around here, and I’m so, so, SO thankful for it. More so than anyone would or will ever know, because there have been times when it hasn’t seemed fabulous, but truth be told, that good stuff was always lurking around in there somewhere. Sometimes it scares me, how good this love for my family and my life is, like I’m just begging for a terrible thing to come in and tear it apart. Sometimes it feels really fragile, like the most precious egg that I’m protecting with every damn fiber in my soul, I tell you.
But when things come in to shake it up a bit, external things, where does that fit? Where do critical and hurtful things, meant to insult, demean, and diminish go in my puzzle of all things good? And if I can talk about the good stuff on here, can I talk about the not-so-good stuff?
In comes censorship. A very wise friend of mine said to be careful, because anything you put out there on the web is attached to you forever. It’s permanent, always a residue of who you are, what you’ve done, where you’ve been. Employers can read it. Future employers can find it. Fellow employees get their hands on it. Clients, frenemies, family…you name it.
So, then, how can you be true to who you are? Your values and ethical being? When something’s not fair or just, what do you do?
I say squeak, baby. But be fair about it and objective. I am annoyed to no end when people squeak only to get their way, even if their way is not the way that should be taken. What can I say? It’s the Libran that I am, and I’m waving my freaky scaley flag high.
I have a lot to learn. I feel very safe in saying that I always will; not because I’m so hard-headed that I won’t learn a lesson, mind you, but because above it all and in it all, I really want to know what is revealing itself through conflict and how can I use this new information to do it better the next time. Because…there’s always a next time.
And another thing while I’m out here with my soapbox? I use bad words. In everyday language. Not because I think it’s cool or kitschy or I’m a bad-ass, but because it makes my point nicely. See? Bad-ass. What else would I use there? Ninja? The Terminator? Nope. Just wouldn’t work. So, while I am sorry to offend some, you’re gonna notice them here and there sometimes.
Confession over. And self-censorship, I am working on you.
Now. For another super-crazy-good-fun thing.
That’s right. Movie night at the theater, 3-D style. These glasses will ALWAYS be funny, especially when you walk into the theater after everyone else has found their spot, including your peeps, and you can’t find them in the sea of Roy Orbison look-alikes. Ohmalord. It’s just about as good as it gets.
For me, anyways. For them, it might be peering through a fence at an ice-skating rink and planning out the when and the what day we’re coming back here to do that.
It’s also the opening of a new toy store and some remote-control things.
Who knew there was such a store as “Toys ‘R’ Us Express?” Huh. Just my size, though.
You know what else is just my size? This family. And my newly brushed off, slightly bruised ego. It fits nicely, and it just stretched out a little bit to help me grow. Kind of like a snake skin maybe? Shedding some grossness off to wriggle around in some fresh and new and shiny one?
I think I like the analogy of an exfoliating facial instead.
Signing off, now. As Merry Mary. Just in the St. Nick of time for this most glorious season of giving and thanking and receiving. And in the words of a very talented cyber-friend…
i’m not sure of the situation but i AM sure of this:
you are an amazing woman.
your smile, like your heart, can light a small country. heck, a whole continent.
you are honest.
when you speak [or write] of something it comes only from a place of good intention.
you are an inspiring momma.
you don’t degrade or make fun of or belittle – anyone, anywhere, anyhow.
you paint your love-filled life as it is; all the good and even the not so.
anyone who has been lucky enough to meet you has become a happier person just by seeing the sparkle in your big brown eyes. if they got beyond the initial handshake, and sparkle, well then they are just flat out lucky.
your optimism and glee is contagious.
i’m fairly certain you have not an ounce of mean or ill-will.
you rock. that’s it. anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool.
big hugs to you, my friend.
hannah, you totally rule. i love you and miss you and all of these miles between us have done nothing but make us really, really strong like-minded friends. thank you for this.