Ewan is a nerdbucket.

He had no chance. His father is a nerdbucket. I am a nerdbucket. And his older brothers are turdbuckets.

It rhymes therefore it is close.

We all geek out over science-y things. And thankfully, there is a whole little organization that geeks out over it, too, and they’ll come to your house for birthday parties. Yee and haw.

So…I made a Pinterest board. I pinned the decorations, a similar party, a take-home experiment, a t-shirt, and best of all…the cookies.

Everything was awesome.

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The night before his party, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Celebrated finally conceded to being celebrated, and we met about 18 or so friends at our local brewpub and laughed and yelled over the din until we were hoarse. And perhaps we also had a drink or two.

THEN we went home to frost the cookies: test tubes, beakers, atoms, and Erlenmeyer flasks.

Um…this is where it all fell apart. They did not look like the Pinterest cookies. When do they ever?!

So, in our kitchen we had a graphic designer, a web developer, and a photographer all looking at the cookies in mock horror as we realized that the test tubes looked like male genitalia, and then when I made the glaze frosting?


We about peed our pants laughing.

We salvaged together some royal frosting and did our best, looking back and forth at what we were creating and the Pinterest cookies, knowing that there would be zero judgment from the five- to 10-year-olds who would eat them without even looking at them. Whewie.

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Lord help me.

As predicted…they didn’t have a clue. And I am very proud to report that I didn’t go around to every parent at the party, pointing out the cookie scandal.

Instead, I report these things on the Internet, and now those spider things that web through your site is going to pick up that I used the word “penis” and I’m going to get all sorts of interesting comments. OOOOOOOKKKKKKK. Bring it.

The party was awesome.

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Our basement looked like we were homeschooling. I kinda liked it.

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Then, our Science Matters friend exploded something called “elephant toothpaste” and things got super exciting.

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And dry ice releases carbonation in the air that you can feel on your tongue…

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Then, you can swipe a string with Dawn liquid, drag it across the top of the dry-ice bucket, and create a growing bubble that you can stick your fingers into before it explodes.

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Of course, before heading outside for the grand finale, you must mix up your own take-home slime…

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And pour a package of Mentos into a two-liter of Diet Coke (also a take-home experiment).

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They didn’t even notice the penis cookies.

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Happy happy birthday, Ewan!