I can stand it.
It’s really not very often that I get to write here and take my time doing it. It’s usually a quick posting of photos and adding the bare minimum of highlights to try to explain stuff that might be happening. But tonight is quiet. Hank is playing softball, Ewan is finally sleeping and finding a break from the pain of teething, and Holden? Holden is on his very first sleepover.
My heart broke a little typing that last part. Holden’s “firsts” are a lot of times my “lasts.” You know? As in, last night was the last night I could say he’s not big enough or old enough for a sleepover. It isn’t hard to let him go in the sense of him trying new experiences, but it is hard to see and feel him growing up. I thought, when I left my career, that time would slow down and I would savor every moment and hold it for more than a breath or two. It’s hard to burn every funny thing he says into my memory and sometimes, dammit, I just watch it slip through my fingers like sand knowing that I’m going to forget this and oh, could I just hold on to that feeling for a second longer.
It reminds of a lullaby that I sing to the boys…
Grow up, now. But please, don’t you grow up too fast.
That part always sticks in my throat.
But enough melancholy. A friend sent me a message today that said, “Your days are filled with love…how do ya STAND it?”
Well. That’s just about the best darn thing that anyone has ever said. And I know I say a lot that we are blessed and how great life is and I mean it fiercely. It scares me sometimes, like if I say it out loud, something terrible might happen and take it all away. But, God bless America if this isn’t the best darn life we could have right now, I just don’t know what is. Even though those little men of ours try to ruin it every day by growing up too fast.
There is a part of them, though, that will remain forever young. It just explodes right out of them at times. Especially Holden. And especially when he gets to go the pool with his friends.
His zest for living cannot be contained. We should seriously find a way to bottle that stuff. Millions to be made, Baby. My awesome life would be…awesomer…and we’d have our own awesome pool.
And oh my goodness, his friends are not ones to be left behind on the joy factor. It’s all or nothing with this crew. The frogmen unite…
And now frogwoman joins in to add a little twist…
That little Ewan, thought not pictured in the pool, had a blast in the water today. He kept me on my toes while he pummeled through chest-deep water and would lose his balance, go all the way under, and I’d pull him up to his feet while he cackled like a madman. He’s a real water baby so far, kicking his feet up so he could float on belly and move his legs like a frantic frog. He spent a lot of time trying to jump, too, and cracked himself up growling at the water.
The one thing that nearly did him in, though, was the teething thing. Poor babe. He just hit the wall about an hour into the fun and wanted to go home for a cuddle, but not before telling his sad tale to my friend, Ali.
Even so, what a great day. An exhausting day. A two-nap day for the wee one and a one-nap day for Holden and the momma. Sun and water just zaps us, but in just the right way.
So I’ll sit in this quiet and happy house just a bit longer, watching the baseball game on TV and letting myself get sleepy again. I hope I can stand it again tomorrow. It will probably just be another day of love.
I bet I can.
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