I”ve been trying to dig deeper. Feel deeper. Be deeper.
And I’m scratching on some old wounds, some shame in my valet of baggage that I’ve carried for most of my adult life, which reminds me of, envelopes me in, and leaves me desperate in my love for my family.
I’ve had a few friends say things like, “If I only knew you through your blog, I wouldn’t like you because it seems so perfect.” They say it jokingly, and believe me, I take it that way. This cyberspace here is mostly a gratefulness blog. Every now and then, it isn’t, and I share a struggle or two, but mostly? I am grateful.
And I gush over my family.
I really want to tell you the story about why I’m so grateful. But I don’t know…it doesn’t feel like the right time just yet. I’m not that brave.
But just know this…
It’s hard to know how awesome the light is, if you’ve never tasted the dark. And I’ve had a whole belly full of it, just like so many people.
I’m digging the light.
I have fantastically failed at some stuff and know that even while I am covered by the grace of God, I still carry it around for some reason, fearful to continue hanging on, but fearful to let go.
But hearing the sweet spills of giggles and snorts, and watching relationship, if feels awesome to free fall into this insane moment, this life, and this amazing love I’m swimming around in.
The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the wind,
we knew that the world would never
be the same.
I feel that about all of my boys, all three of them.
Even as the shortest one of us continues to assault me with crack attack.
It might help if he turned his tighty-Spideys around.
But then again, he might just have the plumber’s gift.
This is just stuff that happens on a Thursday, mid-day. How cool is that?
I know what that’s like, to hang on for dear life.
And also what it’s like to enjoy the ride.
And also, what it’s like to have a boot up your you-know-what. Ha.
You know what? Someone’s almost three.
Here’s to you today and whatever baggage comes with you. I dub you Grace, and Mercy, and Thankfulness.
Have a laughing-happy day.
And to totally copy what Kelle Hampton does on her blog – time for a Friday Photo Dump, a la Instagram juiciness.
Clockwise from top left:
1. bedhead momma
2. playing “chest”
3. mobile office for my workday, aka “blogging friday”
4. self portrait, sort of
5. “this chip is picking my nose”
6. “I AM growing!”
7. medium marg. what the heck.
8. counting down ’til the big birthday – 10 days left on the calendar
just wait for the flood of traffic to come in.
i love you!
We’ve all failed fantastically at plenty of things and sadly will continue to do so. We are not perfect, not even close, and that’s what makes like so terrifically wonderful, terrible, scary, and amazing. You present yourself, in my opinion, as a person who is deep, who has had life experiences that have helped shape you into the empathetic and lovely person you are today. I hope you know that and can release yourself from the shame you mentioned.
love this lori! thank you for saying it. i’m amazed by and blessed with awesome friends…